We had a "state of the union" with our RE today. It was tough but helpful. I didn't cry, but I felt like I was about to at several points. When I'm in those offices and there is "a mission" (e.g. transfer, follicle count, etc.) I'm usually pretty strong, but when I just need to go in for something minor, I'm an emotional wreck. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and all the sadness from past experiences seeps into me. I think "I can't do this anymore..I can't go through this again..why me?...etc, etc." Anyway, I survived today without a breakdown.
Summary of the conversation:
1. He agrees with trying naturally for a few months since it's worked recently. phew...i like the break from the meds, etc.
2. He think egg quality is the issue...causing both infertility and miscarriages. They've started an embryo screening process during IVF that we could use next time. It could identify embryos that would likely result in miscarriage. That's a small consolation...but more data is better.
3. I brought up the very uncomfortable discussion of getting a second opinion (since we've been seeing him for 2.5 years already). This was hard for me because I believe my dr./clinic is excellent, but more so because he is a family friend. He was great about it. He encouraged it and thinks we may learn something from it. It's kind of daunting to think about starting over with a new Dr. But, hey, maybe it will help. I think we'll get that process started in a month or so. He mentioned some clinics that are out of town. That sounds really challenging. Has anyone done that? How many times do you have to travel?
4. I broached the subject of donor eggs. He asked if we wanted to have the emotional conversation or just the process conversation. It took me .2 seconds to pick process, since I was trying to avoid an emotional breakdown. Anyway, on the process front, he said it typically takes about 5 months start to finish and walked us through the major steps.
5. I told him about the IF blogging community and that he should mention it as a resource for patients. I wish I would have known about it earlier as all of you are awesome!
All in all, I'm glad we had this appointment. But, this is serious and heavy stuff. It's going to be hard to make some of these decisions. Please, please, please let me get pregnant before we have to.