Sunday, December 12, 2010

Tomorrow I'll be a Mom

I have a c-section scheduled for 12:15pm tomorrow. I'm 38 weeks now, which is full-term (or beyond) for twins. I've been trying to "get these babies out" for the last couple weeks but they are just loving it in my tummy. I and others cannot believe the size of my belly! And, I think my uterus is so stretched out that it doesn't really work (i.e contract) anymore. Finally, the little girl (baby B) has moved from a vertex/head down position to a transverse/horizontal position. Therefore, my Dr. wants to do a c-section. While that's not my first choice, I'm totally fine with it. There are so many risks and issues that happen with twin pregnancies and I really haven't had any of them. So, I'm not going to fret about having a c-section. All I want are healthy babies.

Several people have remarked about how calm I seem about the uncertainty, the waiting and fact that my life is about to get crazy. Part of that stems from my personality but I think our years of struggling with infertility are largely behind my attitude. First, infertility teaches you that you have NO control over these type of matters. I learned to live with uncertainty and I learned the futility of trying to control things of this nature. Second, having struggled for four years to get to this point makes it very hard to have any frustrations or anger about my current aches and pains, etc. I still feel blessed and in wonder every single day. So, am I nervous? Yep. I'm scared that the babies won't be perfectly healthy. I'm scared of breastfeeding, of getting no sleep, of post-partum depression and of all sorts of other things. But, I don't dwell on these fears and I will conquer them as they arise. For now, I'm focusing on enjoying the final stages of this journey. I can't wait to hold those two little bundles of joy in my arms.