Hello there for any newbies to my blog. I'm trying this ICLW thing for the first time. I've been blogging for a few non-eventful (sort of) months of my IF journey and it's done me wonders, but I could use a few more "friends".
Even though few of us are where we want to be, I cherish staying up with others news and relating to the hope, disappointment, insanity, dark humor, sadness, and so much more.
Here's my deal:
I am 35 and am in disbelief that I've been trying to get pregnant for almost 4 years. I have tried everything including Clomid, Letrazole, IUI, and IVF. I have been pregnant two or three times (i know...really confusing .... read blogs from late september if you want to know more) but never made it past 8 weeks. I am currently waiting for my body to get "back to normal" post-miscarriage. I feel guilt, anger, sadness, numbness, confusion, bitterness (is that the same as anger?) and the full array of IF emotions. I've actually been feeling really strong and happy lately but I think that ugly stuff lies below the surface.
The diagnosis is unexplained, although I had mild endometriosis removed via laparoscopy and FSH is a little high (in the 9's). In any case, I don't have a baby and it's hard to have hope. But,
given my recent "success" getting pregnant, I want to try naturally for the next few months before getting back to ART. If we are still not pregnant a few months down the road, I'm not sure if we'll try IVF again, or move on to donor eggs. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the latter idea. Thoughts?
Other than that, I love food & wine, sporty stuff (especially triathlons & yoga), the outdoors and too many TV shows. Right now, I don't like baby showers or even 1- and 2-year old birthday parties. I've struggled at sharing my IF journey and feel really thankful for the blogging community.