Monday, September 21, 2009

Freaking Out

I will know more in the next couple days but for now I'm kind of freaking out.

Last night, I had horrible cramping and passed a lot of blood and tissue. This is gross to say, but I'm going to say it anyway....there were like walnut sized pieces plopping into the toilet. Sorry, I know that's gross. And, the cramps were so bad I was squirming around in the fetal position, feeling like I was going to throw up. So, it started to dawn on me, is this another, separate miscarriage? I knew we were supposed to take a month off but I didn't even consider contraception because - why would I after almost 4 years of trying and almost no success getting pregnant? We didn't do OPK's or time anything, and I don't even remember when we had sex. Anyway, I finally got a hold of my OBGYN (after 4 calls), and her gut is that it's a separate miscarriage. Because she did an ultrasound after my last miscarriage that showed no remaining tissue, she thinks this bleeding is separate.

I'm getting my second HCG test & results tomorrow. This will tell us if it's going up or down (from 168). I'd like to think it could be going up but I know there is absolutely no way there is anything viable in my uterus (if you were in my position you would know too). The nurse said, "we don't want to see you tomorrow because if the level is going up, it will be to early to see anything". Give me a break lady! I told her that I don't think I'm pregnant, I just want to make sure everything is cleared out. Anyway, I will know soon enough and go in for an ultrasound.

There's still a few possibilities...I should just wait until tomorrow to get more information but I can't stop thinking about it and speculating:
1. This is a separate miscarriage. I have to admit that this kind of makes me excited because it means I got pregnant again. I never thought I would say I got "accidentally pregnant". Insane. The bad news is that this would be miscarriage #3. But, since my lining may not of been in good shape after miscarriage #2 a month earlier, maybe I don't read so much into it? I don't know. I am definitely not feeling a loss because I never even thought in a million years that I was pregnant. Maybe the laprascopic surgery I had in May really was a game changer. My other concern with this scenario is that after two miscarriage in a few months, my body may need a longer break before we try again. More waiting........grrrrr.
2. The bleeding cramping are carryovers from the last miscarriage. Somehow my HCG is still up from the last pregnancy. Can a placenta basically be gone and then re-grow? I don't know if that's possible. Both my Dr.'s have said that's unlikely. I hope this is not the case because then it's just another thing that happens only in very rare cases, i.e. mine. I guess that means I'd do a D&C.
3. My OBGYN saw a possible fibroid in my uterus at the last couple ultrasounds. I was doing some googling (so addictive) and it looks like fibroids can cause abnormal bleeding. But, they shouldn't elevate HCG... ? I hope I don't have a fibroid that is messing up things and needs to be removed. But, I guess it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Anyway, I am just very intrigued by this whole thing. I'm not sad right now, I'm just wondering what the heck is going on. Give me some answers!!!

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