I Feel Sick

I've felt sick since Monday. Over the weekend, I was still in sad and hopeless mode. I was convinced this cycle had no chance of success. Then, Monday, which was a whopping 4 days past ovulation (although I feel like the OPK was "wrong" this month), I started feeling this sick feeling that I had during my previous pregnancies. I also starting peeing a lot. I went on a google binge (wondering if the positive OPK could have meant a BFP, whether I could have ovulated super early this month, etc. et) and, by the end of the day, my mind was racing so fast I decided to do an HPT. This is VERY uncharacteristic of me. I basically never test because I can't handle the negative feedback. I just wait for AF to arrive and then curse her. And, here I was testing on day 21 of my cycle. Of course, it was negative. And, WTF was I thinking? I knew it wasn't really physically possible feel any pregnancy symptoms, much less get a positive result, but I still tried. I think I've got a case of the crazies.

Today is day 25 of my cycle (7DPO). I've continued to have the sick feeling all week. And, I've felt some twinging and and there has been a rise in pee trips. But, as real as it seems, I think I'm probably just causing myself to feel these things. Or, maybe I'm just sick....but it's a really unique feeling. I can't bring myself to test again, though. And, I'm not sure when I will. This uncertainty is a bitch!

Anyway, at least I've stopped crying daily. And, I'm off work until the 28th! We're headed to Oregon for Christmas with my parents.