Saturday

Thank god the end of this week in nearing. It's hard to believe that just a week ago I was filled with hope & fear and now I'm just filled with emptiness. On Wednesday, my Dr. inserted misoprostel into my cervix to induce miscarriage. It seems to have worked because I started bleeding within six hours. And while it's been sad and gross, I'm glad I chose this method over another D&C. When I had a D&C last year, the Dr. only used local anesthetic and it sure didn't feel numb to me!! That was not a good experience.

I'm trying to focus on having fun but I really don't have the energy. I'm a doer and a planner but this loss just has me feeling unmotivated. However, I know, in time, I will start to feel better. My Dr. said that after one normal cycle, we can start trying again so that is good. The fact that I got pregnant naturally this last time makes me really eager to try again because maybe something has just "clicked" in my body. At the same time, I am pretty pessimistic that it will actually work. Before this pregnancy, I was starting to warm up to the ideas of donor eggs. I think I have energy for one more full IVF cycle in me (and not soon), but that is probably it.

I'm about to watch the Ventoux stage of the Tour de France. The Tour has been a good distraction during these past few weeks. Later, I am supposed to hang out with a friend of mine that is now 11 weeks pregnant. I have mixed feelings about this. I am obviously very envious of her and am not sure how I'll deal. Tomorrow, I'm going to an outdoor concert so that should be fun. I can tell you that wine will be a very important part of the picnic menu.