Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Doing a Double Today

Since I'm taking the day off from work today (I feel awful), I'll jot down a few more thoughts.

I filled in my history on the blog homepage so the major events are all there. I don't know where I'm going to go from here. Basically, I still don't know why it's so hard for me to get pregnant. Almost every test result it normal. My FSH is a little high and I have (had) mild endometriosis, but these are things that I should have "beat" via IVF. When I've had blastocytes transferred, the embryo quality has looked good to great. But, I've gotten pregnant only one out of four times, a crappy result for being < 35 (although now i am 35) and having no major issues. So, the dreaded "poor egg quality" may be the answer. BUT, this is only half the battle. I've now had two miscarriages thus getting pregnant is only part of the problem. I know that "they" say not to draw any conclusions from one or two miscarriages but it's a little hard not to. I've had the slew of blood tests related to miscarriage risks and, of course, all the test results are good.

This last miscarriage is a really tough blow. I somehow got pregnant naturally. Maybe it's because I just had some minor endometriosis removed or maybe it's because the stars aligned, but it happened. My husband and I just felt that this was one. I hope I can get pregnant again without assistance. But, what if it was a "fluke" and I'll just be "wasting time" by trying naturally for a few months?

The one good thing about finding out this pregnancy is not viable is that the waiting game is over. I have been on pins and needles these last few weeks knowing that everything was going to be wonderful or it was gonna suck. Sadly, it sucks. But, at least I know and can now get on with my non-pregnant life.

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