I feel like I've been neglecting the bloggy world lately. I guess I'm trying to distance myself from IF this month. Next month we're doing Clomid+IUI and so we have one more natural cycle to try. I decided not to even do OPK's this month. I went back and forth. In the end, I feel like I know my "window" well enough to figure out when we need to get it done in the sack! And, I feel like the 2WW is a little easier when I don't know exactly when it ends. And, my life just feels a little less ruled by IF. I should be ovulating any day now though.
Last week, we found out that another one of our friend's is pregnant with #2. I found out about an hour before I went to my RE's office for my saline sonogram. First, I paid the $600 charge because I have zero coverage now. Then, the Dr. probed around with one speculum for awhile until she gave up. Then, she put in a new one and fumbled her way in. It wasn't THAT bad compared to everything I've done. But, it was uncomfortable and rather painful at times. And, of course the answer was "everything looks good! you can check that off your list". My unspoken response was "of course it looks good but where the hell is my baby?". When I told my husband he said, "we've checked off everything on a very long list except the box that says baby". Anyway, the whole experience just made me feel bitter. I have friends overjoyed to hear that #2 is on the way and meanwhile I'm paying $600 for someone to probe my lady parts and tell me everything looks ok when it's not ok.
Then, a couple days ago, a close friend of mine had a baby. I was supposed to be just a few weeks behind her with my last pregnancy. That loss seems so far away that I'm not even emotional about it. I'm not sure if that's a good thing.
This posts sounds kind of negative, but I'm actually feeling relatively good. Being bitter here and there sure beats crying on a regular basis. We have to relish in these small IF victories!
My husband and I booked a short trip to the Olympics at the end of the month and I am VERY excited about that. Maybe I'll be more fertile in Canada?