Pictures!

Yesterday's ultrasound went well! I was 12w2d and the little ones were measuring at 12w6d and 13w. It turns out that they liked the food in Italy as much as I did :) I'm delighted that they are ahead of schedule but thinking they better slow down because there's only so much room in my tummy! In any case, the ultrasound technician took a bunch of other measurements and views (described below) and everything looks great. Here are the beautiful pictures. I haven't been able to bring myself to give them cute names but they are labeled AAA and BBB.

With the first trimester about behind us, we are finally starting to spread the word. We told our parents last night and it was a lot of fun to hear the surprise and joy in their voices.

So, overall, things are going really well. But, since I can still use my blog to vent:

1. The morning sickness is getting real, real old. I think I may be getting some of my energy back, but I still fell nauseated a LOT. I'm hopeful that it will abate by 14 weeks..but I've read that it may run longer for twin pregnancies.

2. My fertile friends are still annoying me. We had some friends over for lunch last Saturday. They got married a little over a year ago and I have just been waiting for them to announce that they're pregnant. Well, now they are. Given that I am too (although I didn't tell them), the news was easier to take. But, the conversation that followed irked me. This friend know we've been trying for years - I haven't confided in her a lot, but she knows we've tried everything over the yeras, that I've had more than one miscarriage and that I broke out in tears during her engagement party because there was so much baby talk (man, that sucked). Anyway, she proceeded to tell me she was nervous about having a baby ....not excited, or blessed, or anything good. And, she told me she would not recommend morning sickness to anyone - that it was a terrible thing to go through. These were very honest comments and I appreciate that, but I just think she should of prefaced it with something like, "we feel very lucky but..." or "we're really excited but..." If you know someone has faced heartbreak and anguish trying to get there...would you complain about it to them? Anyway, I know she didn't mean anything bad...she has a ton on her mind and just a clueless fertile person (like so many others!).

Lastly, for those that wanted more details on the ultrasound I had as part of the integrating screening for genetic testing..... First, it took almost a full hour (but would probably take 30 min for one fetus). The machine was very powerful and could really zoom in. The technician very carefully measured the crown-to-rump from various angles (much more than previous scans I'd had). She also confirmed that there are two arms, two legs, and that the brain has two hemispheres. She showed us the stomach (a little black spot in their bellies), and she took many measurements of the amount of fluid behind the neck (nuchal fold I think). Lots of fluid can be a sign of down syndrome, etc. She took a lot of these measurements and I was getting very nervous that something was wrong, but I think they are just very thorough, because when she gave us the results they were just fine (she wanted to see less than 3mm and they were around 1.6mm). So, overall it was cool because we got to see a lot more detail...and of course, confirmed that all looks good.

A Happy Ultrasound

I reached another milestone yesterday - a happy ultrasound visit!! I didn't hear "there's no heartbeat" or "there's no reason to worry ...yet". Instead, I heard the word "perfect" several times and saw many smiles from the three medical professionals in the room. It felt surreal. I don't even remember half of what went on because I felt like I was in a dream. Luckily, the ultrasound pictures captured all the details.

It appears the twins are in a neck and neck competition to be "ahead". One was 19mm and the other is 20mm, and they both had a heartrate of 176. I already love them so much and am just hoping and praying they continue to grow. The days are still going by very slowly but our confidence and excitement level is increasing. I still can't help thinking about stories of miscarriages at 10 and 12 weeks, but I know that with each good visit, my chances improve.

With that ultrasound, I have "graduated" from the RE's office. I have my first OBGYN appointment on Monday so I'll get a little more info then (they are not planning to do an ultrasound but will listen for the heartbeats).

Otherwise, I'm just trying to take it day by day, finding comfort in McDonald's french fries, jelly bellies, and such. I feel so blessed to be at this point.

Twins It Is

That's right. We saw two little heartbeats at our 6w3d ultrasound today. And, our estimated due date was confirmed as Christmas Day. Needless to say, we are overjoyed. Would I rather have one than two? Yes. Would I pick Christmas Day as my due date? No. But, wow, am I smiling inside. What a blessing.

I have been so nervous in the recent days and weeks. When I put my legs up on the stirrups today, they were shaking like crazy. Then, I couldn't see the screen so I just watched the Dr's face which showed no sign of emotion. However, when he said, "are you ready for this?", I knew it was twins.

The stats on the little guys:
#1 - 5mm CRL, heartrate = 127
#2 - 5mm CRL, heartrate = 114

I am just in a state of wonder that two eggs/embryos have made it to this point. We've done IVF twice and of over 20 embryos (9 blasts) only one has made it this far. Not to mention how many other cycles we've done over the last 4 years. The "odds" just don't make any sense - but I'm not complaining.

So, now we wait another 2 weeks until the next u/s. I have been hit by morning sickness pretty hard. I felt truly awful yesterday and am really starting to favor junk food.

We're still not going to share this with folks IRL. We're still just too scared to get others' hopes up. We made it to a HB with our first pregnancy before the loss, and so I most definitely do not feel "out of the woods". I just really need to focus on taking it day by day and not thinking about what will happen if we lose these little miracles. I just don't know what I would do. I don't even know what path we would take knowing that we had lost 4 babies....

Thanks to all of you for your support. I noticed that I've lost a few followers in the last week. I'm guessing that's because I'm pregnant, and hopefully not because I wrote something offensive. It feels kind of sad to lose followers but I completely get it. But, for those of you still following - please stick around for the first trimester if you can - I feel like I have a long way to go.